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Unconscious Communication

By Denise Levy | March 10, 2009

Denise Levy

So much can be said without saying a word. Some research even suggests over 80% of what we communicate is non-verbal. Understanding some of the key elements of basic body language can help you to date more successfully. Becoming more aware of the body language you are putting out can help you with not only flirting but in attracting the right person by sending the appropriate signals. Learning to interpret these unconscious indicators can take some of the guess work out of dating and help to determine if the feelings are mutual.

The number one thing to remember when studying body language is to look for clusters. Don’t ever make an assumption based on one element of what you interpret someones body to be speaking. Her arms may be crossed because she is actually cold.

We all know that maintaining eye contact is a good thing but while you are doing it there is one thing you should be paying attentions to, their pupils. A good sign that someone is really interested in you is an increase in pupil size. The eyes can’t lie. I have yet to master the skill of regulating my pupil size and that is probably a good thing!

Look at where you are “pointing.” When a you point your feet, toes, shoulders and even hips towards the other person this is saying you are interested in who they are and what they have to say. This is giving them the green light to keep going. If you see someone in a social setting and they are pointing towards you this means it is okay to approach especially when it is done after you have exchanged eye contact for 3-4 seconds.

Self grooming behaviors such as a women fixing her hair or a man picking a piece of lint off his shirt are also green lights. It is human nature to want to look our best when we are with someone we feel attracted to.

Modeling or mirroring behavior is another good sign that shows interest. When you catch someone following your positive body language it is definitely a plus. Try this at work or at a social setting first to get a good feel for it. If they place their hand on the table, wait 3-4 seconds and you place your hand on the table. Keep mirroring hand placement and they will keep talking to you.

There are so many things you can learn about body language and the messages we are conveying. Take the time to educate yourself and see what a difference it can make in your confidence, dating and relationships.

Most importantly, remember to smile. We are all so much more attractive when we are smiling!

Denise Levy, BSW specializes in the art and science of getting you out of your own way! Denise graduated from University of West Florida with her degree in social work and is a Certified Life Coach & Professional Matchmaker with over 20 years experience.

For more information and to receive your free Life Balance Workbook visit or to submit your confidential profile for matchmaking visit

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