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What do Women Really Want?

By Sandra Prior | January 4, 2009.

She wants you to… smell right.

She might not tell you this after you arrive home unshowered from the gym, but she really wants to get a good sniff of you. You can affect the intensity of an orgasm by smell alone – sniffing male pheromones will definitely heighten her orgasm. The place where the neck meets the shoulder blade is a natural pheromone trap, so make sure you are having sex in a position where she can nuzzle into your neck. Pungent sweat will turn her off, though, so go for a fragrance with cinnamon.

She wants you to… alter her mind

Research from the US Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation discovered that it has the most powerful ability to evoke feelings of lust. After Jagermeister, obviously.

We’re talking about natural highs, and the ones that she really wants you to produce in her brain. Oxytocin is a powerful chemical that stimulates arousal. A woman can make up to 500 times more than usual if her whole body is touched during sex. Get her to lie on her side with her top knee up towards her chest, and the lower leg straight so all of her is touching all of you. That way, you stimulate the largest possible area of the vagus nerve. The more of this you touch, the greater the release of oxytocin, and the more she’ll think you’re the best thing since the Rampant Rabbit.

She wants you to… go from G to A

Clitoris, G-spot… yawn. If you stop at these then you’ll only be two-thirds of the way to giving her what she’s after. You need to go to the start of the sex alphabet, the A-spot, which heightens orgasm and increases lubrication. This is a patch of sensitive tissue at the inner end of the vaginal tube, between the cervix and the bladder, aka the female degenerated prostate. The best way to stimulate it is with her on top and her body high up on yours, jockey-style. If she wants to add a riding crop… well, whatever gets you both off.

She wants you to…move things on

When she wants you to take control in bed, she’s expecting the maximum degree of pleasure. And while she may not know why, sending a rush of blood to her head will get you everywhere. Medical research shows that the sex glands ‘wake up’ if more blood goes to the pituitary gland. In short, that means getting her upside down. To heighten her mood, get her on her back and tip her legs over her head as you enter her from in front. If this is tricky, just ask her to lay on the bed with her top half hanging over the edge (not recommended in the top bunk).

She wants you to… keep still

Biologically speaking, at the critical moment of orgasm, she’d rather that it was you lying back and thinking of England. There is a gene orgasmic principle of building up excitation in which rhythmic stimulation is absolutely critical. Break that at any point and it’s game over. Most women have been there: ‘It’s coming. It’s coming’. And suddenly it’s not, because spurred on by her excitement you get overenthusiastic and switch position. You should stop at the crucial moment – when she is on the brink – and let her use you as a ‘point of resistance’ to take herself over the edge. Think of yourself as both rock and a hard place: just don’t move.

She wants you to… check your watch

Giving her a multiple orgasm cements your place in her mind as a Nobel sex prize winner. But here’s the bad news: they’re nearly impossible. Numerous orgasms, however, are more likely, with a tiny break between each. The clitoris can be painfully sensitive after orgasm, which can restrict the chances of the next one. But after about three minutes, this intensity has lessened; the woman is still turned on, and she is really relaxed. That makes her more psychologically predisposed to come again. So set your watch. Watch a short music video. Or just point out that maybe now it’s her turn.

She wants you to… touch her ears

Here’s a little thing: she wants you to turn her off before you turn her on. Brain studies show that women can experience orgasm much more easily if their brain’s stress centers are deactivated. Ear lobes release endorphins which totally relax the body. Rub hers gently as you’re kissing her, until you feel her release stress points like her shoulders.

She wants you to… give her the eye

Confusing this, but not telling a woman she’s sexy turns her on more than doing so. That’s not an excuse to tell her that her ass does look a bit fat in that, but rather the fact that women are aroused if they are looked at lustily. A report in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality suggested that women use more non-verbal cues during sex than men. So match her. Telling your girlfriend she looks sexy will turn her on, but the way you look at her is what will really get her going. Think about how sexy she looks when she’s giving you head, and the way you look at her. Then make sure you look at her the same way during sex. Or indeed, while doing the washing up.

She wants you to… bottom out

Is it really so misogynistic to think that women love a good tap on the backside? Apparently not. Inside the body the clitoris splits into two wings of spongy tissue and nerve endings that extend toward the back of her thighs. It’s definitely possible to excite the clitoris via the backside. Light stroking is a real turn-on. To give her an explosive orgasm, lightly massage her bottom as you reach round and work her clitoris at the same time. If she likes that, then she may (and for Pete’s sake ask her) be keen for something more.

Gentle smacking can combine clitoral stimulation with a psychological feel-good factor: research from the Novosibirsk Institute of Medicine in Russia has revealed that spanking can release endorphins into the brain. Get it right and  she’ll come to associate sex with you as the best time of her life.   

Forget to ask nicely first, and you’ll be known to her and everyone she knows as The Hitting Man. Not good.

She wants you to… go to the back

 When she asks you for a massage, she’s not asking for a 30-second neck rub before resuming normal servicing. She’s actually asking you to warm her up slowly. So know which spot to pick. The bottom of the spine is a highly neglected erogenous zone and the small of the back is rich in nerve endings, as well as being home to various pressure points that increase blood flow to the pelvic region.

Lie her on her front and dribble massage oil down her spine and between the cheeks of her bottom. Use your thumbs to gently rub from her neck to the small of the back and all the way down to her vagina. Then enter her from behind so her back is still stimulated by your belly.

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